Ask John: Does Shinji Love Asuka or Rei?

Question:
A lot of people have stated that in Evangelion, Shinji and Asuka love each other. However, some say that Shinji and Rei love each other. Anno said in Newtype magazine that is up to the viewer to choose his/her own answers and that no one will ever be right. My question is, who does Shinji love in Eva. Rei or Asuka?

Answer:
If the creator of Evangelion refuses to commit Shinji to either Askua or Rei, or intentionally made Shinji’s relationships to the two girls ambiguous, I can’t possibly contradict that. Since the original creator has stated a definitive answer, I can only agree, offer a complimentary interpretation, or give a wrong answer. So instead of trying to out-think the authority, I’d like to introduce a different but related topic. Exactly who Shinji loves may be a moot point because it may be said that there is no love in Evangelion. To be more precise, mutual and unselfish love is an endangered thing in Evangelion.

I don’t know if this theme has been analyzed before. It seems like a theme which could be the foundation for an extended and exhaustive study of both Evangelion and its creator Hideaki Anno, but I’ll leave that research up to someone more motivated than I. I’ll only assert the obvious examples. At different times throughout the Evangelion story, Shinji seems to be attracted to both Asuka and Rei, but I don’t believe that his attraction is romantic. Shinji obviously has some physical, sexual interest in both girls, particularly Asuka because she teasingly responds to his partially unconscious advances. But Shinji’s hesitance is more than just nerves. Shinji is attracted to both Asuka and Rei because he wants his peers to acknowledge his existence. He initially gravitates toward Rei because she is close to Gendo. Shinji is fascinated by the way Rei is able to garner Gendo’s favor while he cannot. He’s also wishes to receive that recognition from his father, so he’s attracted to Rei because he wants what she has. Shinji hopes that by getting close to Rei, he’ll become closer to his father. Furthermore, Shinji may be unconsciously attracted to Rei because Rei may, in fact, be a clone of his mother. So Shinji isn’t literally attracted to Rei herself; he’s attracted to what she represents. However, as Shinji’s attempt to vicariously fulfill himself through proximity to Rei doesn’t work, Asuka appears, and Shinji displaces his need for acknowledgment from his father onto Asuka.

Rei believes that her existence is worthless. She believes that she exists merely to fill a role, to play a purpose, not to have an individual sense of happiness or fulfillment. She harbors a secret respect and adoration for Gendo but also knows that she can’t have a normal fulfilling relationship with him. She knows that she’s a tool for his ambition, and her value to him is only as much as she can be helpful to him.

Asuka is first attracted to Kaji; then she transfers her unfulfilled obsession onto Shinji. Asuka isn’t searching for a loving partner. She’s seeking an assertive defender. The series clearly implies that Asuka feels guilt over her mother’s death. She feels as though she doesn’t have the right to live because she should have died along with her mother. That feeling of living on after she should have died may explain her aggressive and sometimes suicidal tendencies. Asuka constantly feels the need to justify her existence. The director’s cut TV episodes especially illustrate Asuka’s self-loathing. She hates her own weakness, guilt, anxiety, and fear, so she seeks out someone strong. She may be first attracted to Kaji because he’s older and seemingly composed. He represents stability, someone that Asuka can anchor herself to. When Kaji rebuffs her, Asuka shifts her attention to Shinji. Shinji is like her, so she feels a connection with him and affinity to him, but she’s also disgusted by his fearfulness and timidity. Asuka makes sexual advances toward Shinji because she wants him to be assertive and masculine. Asuka isn’t looking for a lover or an equal partner; she’s looking for someone stronger than herself whom she can entrust herself to. When she suicidally throws herself into protecting Shinji, or doing what Shinji can’t or won’t, she’s unconsciously acting out the actions and decisions that she wishes Shinji had made.

Loving relationships are complicated among the other characters in Evangelion as well. Misato is Kaji’s lover, but their relationship isn’t based on love. Misato uses Kaji as a replacement for her father, and uses sex, binge drinking, and work to distract her from her emotional loneliness. Kaji uses Misato as a means to get closer to Nerv.

Ritsuko respects, but doesn’t fully love her mother. The End of Evangelion movie also clearly illustrates the fact that Ritsuko’s relationship with Gendo is easily broken. Maya’s adoration for Ritsuko is never fulfilled.

In fact, the only mutual, caring, loving relationship depicted in the entire Evangelion series is the connection between Shinji and Kaoru. Kaoru makes himself available to Shinji without demanding anything in return. His attraction to Shinji isn’t based on selfishness; it’s motivated by consideration and caring. Shinji fearfully responds to Kaoru because Shinji isn’t used to such naked compassion. But this tender, mutual love, the only love in the series that doesn’t have an ulterior, selfish motive, ends in destruction and death. It’s as though true romantic love cannot exist in the world of Evangelion, which is ironic considering the goal of the Human Instrumentality Project. The world of Evangelion is defined by the individual; the individual’s uniqueness from other people. In the world of Evangelion, the individual exists as either a singular, isolated being, or with the success of the Human Instrumentality Project, a “complete” single being. Open, honest, and equal relationships between people in Evangelion seem to be either non-existent or doomed. If that is truly the case, than it should be said that Shinji may have been attracted to both Asuka and Rei, but he didn’t truly love either of them. For Shinji, Asuka and Rei are both merely a means to an ends.