Ask John: What’s John’s Ideal Anime Harem?

Question:
What females would make up your ultimate anime harem?

Answer:
I was honestly initially hesitant to answer this question because despite its address of fictional characters, it still seems especially sexist due to its implication of a man selecting women to own as possessions. However, I do periodically tackle these sort of figurative, personally indulgent questions, so this would be no exception. Furthermore, after some consideration, I decided that a particular approach to this question might be interesting. The question is specifically phrased so that it doesn’t merely ask me to list my favorite anime girls. A question and answer like that wouldn’t be very interesting to anyone beside myself. Instead, I’ll hypothesize that if I was the lone male in a Love Hina style residence of women, which anime girls would I want to fill the roles typical of the situation. This approach not only answers the question; it encourages readers to consider their own recognition of anime characters of certain personality types.

Any harem anime has to start with a potential love interest – not necessarily a tsundere character (hard on the outside, soft and warm on the inside), but a girl that the protagonist has to slowly develop an understanding and relationship with. A girl already affectionate toward the protagonist, such as Ai Yori Aoshi’s Aoi Sakuraba, only works when there are external circumstances that keep her and the protagonist apart. Shinra Kuonji from Kimi ga Aruji de Shitsuji ga Ore de would work, but I’m more fond of Shinra as a character to watch than a character to interact with. So my selection of an anime girl with whom I could slowly develop a loving relationship, with plenty of comic misunderstandings and arguments along the way? I’ll pick Nami from One Piece.

If the co-starring girl isn’t a tsundere, perhaps the cast needs one. I’m honestly not especially fond of most contemporary tsundere characters whose tsun tsun (aloof) and dere dere (lovestruck) characteristics are artificially polarized for the sake of appealing to otaku consumers. I’m more partial to a natural tsundere girl like Kimagure Orange Road’s Madoka Ayukawa.

Every harem needs its assortment of odd characters, one of whom should be odd without falling into any particular personality type typical of harem anime. Since the otaku isn’t necessarily a commonplace harem anime character type, I feel comfortable selecting Lucky Star’s Konata Izumi as the representative unique individualist.

I have to stipulate that for the bookish role I’m partial to the version of Nagato Yuki that co-stars in the Suzumiya Haruhi-chan web anime series. I’m much more fascinated and amused by the slightly sadistic and acerbic otaku Nagato than the formal and aloof Nagato of the normal Suzumiya Haruhi series.

A large harem cast demands twins, if not triplicates. The first pair to spring to mind were Maho Sensei Negima’s Fuuka & Fumika Narutaki but, to put it simply, they’re young enough to make me a little uncomfortable. Again, they’re characters that I enjoy watching on screen more than I would enjoy personally interacting with. So in their stead I’ll nominate the mischievous cosplaying twin sisters Manatsu & Mashuu Akoya from Tactical Roar.

A harem needs its wild child – an exuberant and uninhibited primal girl. I choose Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei’s Maria.

There should be a dojikko (clumsy) girl. While Mikuru Asahina is the obvious choice, I’m more partial to Moetan’s Nijihara Ink. (She’s older than she looks.)

A harem also needs a matronly female – not necessarily a mother figure, but one who’s more mature, experienced, and able to provide insight and advice. I can think of no one better for this role than Maison Ikkoku’s Kyoko Otonashi.

Harems typically seem to be home to at least one martial artist or master of weapons. I’ve long held an affection for female kenshi (master swordsman) and one of my very favorite is Linn Suzuki from Kotetsu no Daibouken.

Selecting Ah! Megami-sama’s Urd as the resident temptress may be predictable, but that’s only because she’s the best in that role by a wide margin.

Since nearly any of the cast members can serve as a boke (funny man), the cast needs a consistent tsukkomi (straight man) voice of reason character. Once again, Azumanga Daioh’s “Yomi” Mizuhara is an obvious choice for the position, but she’s so good at it, and such a pleasant and interesting personality that I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have fill the role.

The cast also needs a timid or shy girl. Kamichu’s Yurie Hitotsubashi comes to mind, but I think I’d rather select Strike Witches’ Lynette Bishop.

Someone’s got to take care of this crazy household, so a girl that enjoys being domestic is a vital necessity. True to her name, HMX-12 Multi from To Heart fills a number of roles. She’s the eager domestic help that loves cooking and cleaning. She serves as the resident robot girl. And she serves as the requisite imouto (little sister) character that can take advice from me, the protagonist and older brother figure.

Finally, an okami proprietress or head-mistress character to maintain order and a modicum of discipline isn’t especially necessary for an anime harem, but I can’t resist “God” from Mariaholic, the short, apron-clad lady with animal ears and a penchant for collecting obsolete consumer electronics.