Ask John: What’s the Worst Hentai Series Ever?

Question:
From the viewpoint of execution (writing, art, animation), what, in your opinion, are the worst hentai series ever?

Answer:
I can’t promise to identify the absolutely worst adult anime production ever made because I’ve purged from my mind many of the countless ero anime that I’ve watched over the years. And there are still countless adult anime episodes that I’ve never watched. However, I do think I can cite the adult anime OVAs that linger in my mind, like savage scars from hideous accidents, refusing to completely fade away.

But before exposing these sore points, I think it’s first necessary to define the criteria by which I categorize adult anime as genuinely awful. The criteria used to judge the quality of an adult anime is the same one used to judge any artistic work. To be genuinely bad, a work must defy expectations and its own natural potential. A genuinely terrible work has no excuse for being terrible besides incompetence.

The history of adult anime is littered with poor quality productions. Adult anime are typically made on shoestring budgets for a very small audience. Their purpose is to generate big profits from a small investment. So for every one exceptional, or even above average quality, adult anime OVA there are a handful of sub-par productions. But many of these productions are simply a victim of circumstances. So it’s unfair to criticize a poor production by judging it with unfair or unrealistic standards.

Productions like Kodomo no Jikan, the Kunoichi Gakuen Ninpocho (“Ninja”) series, and studio Obtain’s productions including Miniska Gakuen (“Girl’s Locker Room Lust”), Jyoshidai Ecchi Soudanshitsu (“University Girls Special Counseling”), Maid Meshimase (“Mahya the Servant”), and Henbou Moral Hazard immediately come to mind as examples of adult anime that seem to fall far below quality standards of even sub-par conventional adult anime. But even applying the same critical standards applied to conventional adult anime seems unfair to these productions. Comparing these modest productions to major studio produced adult anime seems like comparing home-made YouTube videos to professionally produced films. These anime productions may be commercial, but I think it’s more accurate to consider them “amateurish” than outright “bad.”

Similarly, early attempts at 2D digital anime including 1997’s Mama and 1998’s Rhythm Koi no Ritsudou (“Pure Love”) are rather ugly looking and exhibit noticable stilted animation, but these experimental works can be partially forgiven as early attempts at working with new animation technology.

Vintage has some impact on judging quality, but can’t be used as a crutch to excuse avoidable flaws. While animation quality and art design changes and evolves, the standards of good writing existed for millennia before adult anime did. Older productions deserve some leeway because they can’t be expected to live up to contemporary standards. Titles like 1987’s Battle Can Can, 1996’s Battle Team Lakers EX and Ningyo Tsukai (“Sexorcist”), and 1997’s Advancer Tina, for example, are all quite awful, but the time at which they were produced mitigates some of their weakness. These anime weren’t good when they were new, but they were obviously cheap, disposable productions. The passing of time also allows contemporary critics to further dismiss them as just dated kitsch. However, the fact that even older productions like many of the original Cream Lemon episodes and many of the original Lolita Anime episodes still hold up as impressive, entertaining, and enjoyable anime proves that age alone doesn’t excuse a bad anime for being bad.

Truly bad anime fall into the same category as Uwe Boll’s star studded and effects laden cinematic atrocities, and Hollywood superhero films like Electra, Ghost Rider, and the Fantastic Four movies that, by virtue of their components, should be much better than they are. Truly bad adult anime have no excuse for being bad. Two such titles linger in my mind even though I haven’t watched them in many years. The first is the 1985 Cream Lemon part 8: Super Virgin, an anime that’s only positive quality is its amusing title. Ugly character design, lifeless background design, a listless story and boring sex make this episode easily the weakest of the entire Cream Lemon series. With a Romeo and Juliet parody involving ESP and the Super Virgin Groupies opposed to the Ultra Chastity Club, this episode should have been far more fun than it was.

In my recollection, however, the absolute worst adult anime title I think I’ve ever watched has been Pink Pineapple’s 1997 OVA Inju Daikessen, released in America in 2001 by NuTech Digital as “Mission of Darkness.” This poorly conceived and executed atrocity attempted to be a sci-fi/horror/sex parody of Ultraman, except it wasn’t funny or scary or sexy. Poor character design, poor animation, and a nearly incomprehensible, idiotic story made this OVA a laughable novelty for a few minutes, until the viewer realizes that the episode continues for 45 minutes! There are bad adult anime which are amusing because they’re so bad; then there’s Inju Daikessen which graduates from being amusingly awful to simply torturously awful with no excuse and nothing to blame its failure on but itself.